


Darling, I'll hold you when you're weak

by iamalmita



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Boyfriends, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Idol AU, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, binu - Freeform, binwoo - Freeform, hate comments, insecure eunwoo, prompt #7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:29:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24646459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamalmita/pseuds/iamalmita
Summary: Bin tears up a bit as he held Eunwoo’s hands, “When I look at you everyday, I wonder if you’re real. I get to call the Cha Eunwoo mine. I get to call the Lee Dongmin mine. I feel so lucky to have you. I get to love you and be loved back in return. The ever amazing, talented, beautiful, pretty, handsome, perfect and wonderful Cha Eunwoo is my boyfriend.” Eunwoo was crying again but this time, Bin wasn’t worried or concerned because he can see the biggest smile on face.“You have done well and you are doing well. I’m proud of you, Nunu.”
Relationships: Lee Dongmin | Cha Eunwoo/Moon Bin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 61
Collections: Astro FicFest 2020





	Darling, I'll hold you when you're weak

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt #7 :  
> Set in their idol world Eunwoo can’t seem to shake off hate comments even if he has a lot of arohas who show him love  
> He feels like a burden on the team and feels like he doesn’t deserve any of the love  
> He hides his self deprecation well and just overworks himself getting less sleep thinking he should contribute more  
> But when he’s just breaking down from stress and his depressing thoughts in his room, Bin gets to know and he tries helping Eunwoo

Comeback was in a few months. The group of six boys were yet to record the new songs as they were preparing for it along with the new choreography. In all of ASTRO, Eunwoo was the more publicly known member. But it was not like he was better than the rest of his members, it was actually the opposite (in his opinion). People liked his physical features and his face and he was just easily noticeable. It was good for the group. Since he starred in dramas and many shows, the group got more exposure through him. But this was a small part of the good side.

If Eunwoo compared his life to the moon, it would be a crescent moon. The small, beautiful shining curve is the good and positive part. The rest is dark and unknown to other people.

Eunwoo was famous and which made him a target for criticism. Eunwoo was a mature person and he knew how to handle constructive criticism as well as hateful ones. But he was only human after all, there’s only so much he could take. He was a kind hearted, soft and humble person but people attacked him left and right. Whenever he opened his SNS accounts, there would be many comments by his dear fans, Aroha, writing sweet words and many I love you’s but among them, he would also find harsh words that mocked him and dragged him down. On his articles, there would be many who write hateful comments and even threatened him.

Almost all of ASTRO debuted at a young age so he was already exposed to all these from that young age. Also, Eunwoo had soft features that almost screamed ‘pretty’. He was grown up now, his features changed a bit but its softness was not gone completely. He was also attacked for that. His good looks gave him hate too. He was told he was just handsome, nothing more. He didn’t have any talent. He was famous because he was handsome. Or pretty, whatever you like to call it. Eunwoo had been dealing with this for a long time, the company helped him and protected him (he was kept away from the hate comments, they made sure he didn’t read them) as well as his members, especially Bin.

The two of them had started seeing each other before their debut. Bin always showered his boyfriend with so much love and affection and he had been the one to stay by his side, to pull him up when he was down, his shoulder to cry on when it was too much, to give him strength when he thought he couldn’t do anything. And his Aroha, of course, they were the sweetest. They always stood up for him and gave him so much love and appreciation. Eunwoo was always grateful to them.

But, there was one thing he couldn’t get over. A thought.

He didn’t have any talent. And he thought about it.

He couldn’t sing well like MJ hyung. He couldn’t rap or write songs like Jinjin hyung. He didn’t have the unique stage presence and funny nature like Bin. He couldn’t dance well like Rocky. Scratch that, he wasn’t even close to Rocky’s level. He didn’t have cuteness and aegyo like Sanha.

So, what was he good at? Nothing.

He was good in studies and he could act. But there was no use for his brains in their line of occupation and the rest of the members could act as well. Bin was doing really good with his drama too.

All he had was his looks. Which was also dragged down from time to time.

Eunwoo doesn’t think about this often and he tries his best to ignore such thoughts. But if ASTRO got hate, it was because of him. There was nothing to hate on the other boys. He took the longest to learn the choreography and the longest to prepare for the recording.

Eunwoo doesn’t think about this often and he tries his best to ignore such thoughts. But this time, it seemed to hit him full force.

It was the seventh time.

The seventh time, he had tried to learn a particular dance move for their title track.

The seventh time he had failed in getting the moves right.

Eunwoo fell down on the floor with a thud, closing his eyes. He was exhausted and his body was aching all over, craving for rest. His clothes were soaked in sweat as he tried to catch his breath.

“Hyung? Are you alright? We can continue this tomorrow, rest for now,” Rocky sounded concerned. Eunwoo barely registered his words, he opened his eyes and squinted at the light. His response was almost automatic, “No, it’s alright. I’m fine, I’ll try again.”

He sat up and tried to stand up but Rocky stopped him, “No, hyung. You don’t look fine.” Eunwoo smiled at him, “I’m really fine. Come on, I want to try again. You have heard the saying, right? If you fail seven times, you get back up eight.”

Rocky sighed, knowing he couldn’t convince him. They went on practicing. The choreo, this time, was more difficult than the ones they have done before. And it also required a lot of energy and stamina.

Eunwoo’s mind was on something else, though.

An hour and half passed by easily. Eunwoo was barely supporting himself on his legs. Rocky came to him and told him to stop for today. Eunwoo looked at him and shook his head, “I have to get this move right-”

“Eunwoo yah, it’s alright. Get some rest,” their choreographer came beside them and patted his back, “You can go back to the dorms. Come early tomorrow and we’ll try it again.” Rocky nodded his head in agreement, “That’s right, hyung. I’ll go with you tomorrow. Go and rest.”

Eunwoo sighed and agreed hesitantly. The choreographer clapped his hands and announced to the others that were practicing. They immediately rushed to his side, especially his boyfriend, “Nunu, are you okay?”

Eunwoo shook his head and forced a small smile, “I’m alright. Just tired. Seongsaenim (teacher) told me to rest and come early tomorrow. Sorry, guys.”

“Ayy, why are you apologizing for? There’s no need to. Go home and rest well, okay? We can have dinner together,” MJ patted his shoulder with a smile. Eunwoo nodded and shared a smile with the leader before turning to Bin. Bin leaned in and pressed a short kiss to his lips and forehead. “You did well today, love. Get some rest, okay?” Eunwoo smiled and nodded again. Bin always knew the right words to say. He got his cap and waved goodbye to his team mates and went back to the dorms.

Eunwoo had taken a bath and lied on his bed. He stared at the ceiling, his mind working too much for his liking. His friends would have learnt the rest of the choreo and he would have to delay the group practice since he had to learn it later. He was going to make Rocky wake up earlier than usual when the boy already sleeps less hours. Rocky was going to teach him when he should have been resting or doing something else.

“Ugh…” Dongmin shook his head and ruffled his hair. He was frustrated with himself. He could remember the things he read weeks back.

_Cha Eunwoo should leave ASTRO and focus on either acting or modeling. He’s dragging the group down. The group is better off without him._

_His dancing is so off with the rest and his vocals aren’t great, he is ruining the choreography._

_Cha Eunwoo, give some attention to your group activities too. You are falling behind the group dance._

_Eunwoo is all about looks. That’s the only thing that’s good about him. He got in ASTRO because of his face, you can’t call him talented. He clearly can’t dance. It’s clearly visible._

He remembered how Aroha stood up for him and defended him, including many international ones. He wasn’t supposed to read them, he discovered them by accident, you could say. He was beside his manager with Sanha, watching a video edited by the maknae when the manager was called and went out. He had left his phone and Eunwoo had seen the screen fill up with notifications. That was how he read them. He hadn’t told anyone though.

He knew he shouldn’t take those words to heart but if he thought about it, it wasn’t… really… wrong-

“Nunu!”

Eunwoo sat up to see his boyfriend walking in with the goofiest smile and hugged him tightly. “I missed youuu~ Ahh!”

Eunwoo smiled and hugged back, “Really? It wasn’t even an hour, Binnie.” Bin quickly pulled back and looked at him with the most scarily adorable pout ever, “I miss you the moment my eyes are not on you.” Eunwoo raised his eyebrow, “You forget me the moment your eyes are on food.” Bin whined and Eunwoo chuckled. Most times, Bin was the best. He is _always_ the best, but he’s thankful to him for making him forget things easily, unintentional or not. Bin could make him smile just like that.

“Yah, you cheesy lovebirds, let’s eat dinner! And Bin, I gave you one job! ONE JOB!” MJ shouted from the door. Eunwoo smiled at Bin, “You were supposed to get me, aren’t you?” Bin giggled like a kid, his eyes forming crescents. They got up and went to have dinner with their team mates.

Next morning, at about 5 AM, Eunwoo climbed out of his bed with great difficulty (Bin was practically stuck to him but thank god, he’s a heavy sleeper). He quietly sneaked out the dorms and went to their practice room. They had dinner around 9 PM last night but everyone slept at around 1 AM. Jinwoo was busy with his song and MJ was preparing for an audition. The three maknae’s were also busy with their works but slept earlier.

Eunwoo practiced all morning. Rocky came early and the rest came soon after. Eunwoo managed to pick up the parts he missed and continued with the overall practice. After that, they practiced for their vocals. After that day, Eunwoo began to practice more. He came early and practiced but came back before everyone was awake. When he went back, he bought breakfast with him, using it as an excuse as to why he was out. He practiced later than the rest at night, saying he wants to work on his moves. He practiced until his legs couldn’t move anymore and he was drenched in sweat. Sometimes Bin had to come to get him back to the dorms. And when everyone was asleep, he studied English and his notes until he fell asleep just to wake up a few hours later.

Through all these, he kept thinking about those comments he read _accidentally._

He needed to work hard to match with everyone. He also began watching his diet since they had a photo shoot for the album too. He needed to improve. He had to get better. He had to do well.

When he scrolled through his SNS accounts, he could the fans showering him love, calling him sweet names, praising him for his vocals, his looks, his acting and much more. But this time, he couldn’t get strength from them. Instead, he felt bad and kept over-thinking. His mind kept replaying the comments he read. He needed to contribute more to the team. He must bring them up, not drag them down. He couldn’t let ASTRO get behind because of him. So, he needed to work hard. He must practice more and perfect his moves and vocals.

So, the routine continued. He slept less, practiced more but no one knew about it. He was good with hiding his works because if any of the members knew about it, they would definitely stop him and try to tell him he is wrong. He wishes he was wrong but what if he’s just creating excuses? All the evidence is in front of him already, he shouldn’t make the others worried.

But what Eunwoo didn’t know was how his thoughts were slowly taking over him.

Eunwoo was a deep thinker, a logical person, which was good but sometimes, it can take you to darkness too. He was humble by nature, self doubting himself, always thinking someone is better than him; and because of it he was losing his self confidence. The new choreography wasn’t helping either, it was really tough and he had to sing too. In his silent struggle for perfection, Eunwoo was slowly losing himself.

Bin had always been an observant person and Dongmin, of course, always stood out to him the most. But these days, he barely gets to spend time with him. They are preparing for their comeback and they will be busy, he knew that, but Eunwoo seemed so stuck up with practice. He doesn’t get to hold his hand during the small breaks between their practices. He doesn’t get to go home with him since he always stayed back. His smile doesn’t reach his eyes anymore. He wasn’t talking much when they eat together. He doesn’t get to see him in the morning because he was already off to practice, vocal or dance. He did get his morning and good night kisses but something was wrong. Bin knew it.

He could ask Eunwoo about it, but he won’t get the reply he wanted. Eunwoo would shrug it off saying he’s fine so, he decided to wait. He hoped his boyfriend won’t keep to himself for too long.

Eunwoo closed the door behind him and leaned his back on it. They had their music video shoot today but he wasn’t feeling it. He felt bad. He didn’t do well. He made a few mistakes here and there too. He hadn’t seen the footage completely but he was sure it wasn’t good. It couldn’t be good. It started with a small slip up and he tried to pick up for it, but things kept repeating. His moves weren’t as clean as he liked. He looked to his side and saw his reflection on the big mirror in the practice room.

He could see the dark circles under his eyes. His eyes were red from the tears he was holding in. He walked towards the centre of the room and turned on the music.

He was tired but it didn’t matter. He wasn’t going to bring everyone down.

Bin was on the couch, eating chips. The TV was turned on but he wasn’t listening to it. Beside him, Rocky and Sanha were fast asleep, leaning on each other. Eunwoo wasn’t home. He hadn’t come home with them, saying he had to go somewhere. He had smiled at Bin before he went away.

But that smile. Bin suspected that smile.

It was getting late and he was getting worried. He was awake for a while but he was also tired from the day’s shooting and soon, fell asleep.

When Bin opened his eyes, he heard the sound of a door closing. Blinking tiredly, he looked around and saw Eunwoo shoes.

_He must be home._

Bin stood up, wiping drool off his chin and walked towards Eunwoo’s room. He opened the door, Eunwoo had his back turned towards him.

“Nunu-”

Eunwoo stiffened and wiped his face quickly. “O-Oh, Bin-ah.” His voice was cracking.

Bin tried to make him face him but he looked away. Bin closed the door and stood in front of him. He reached out his hand and gently caressed his cheeks. Eunwoo bit his lips hard, looking down. “Eunwoo…”

The boy stood silent, gnawing his bottom lip, still looking down. Bin could sense his ragged breathing. Eunwoo closed his eyes and Bin could see the single drop of tear falling down his cheeks. Without a word, Bin hugged him. He wrapped his arms around his shoulders and petted his head. And that was it.

The next moment, Eunwoo took in a deep breath and broke down in tears, sobs wrecking through his body as his legs gave out. Bin held onto him and seated him on the bed. Eunwoo clutched onto his shirt for dear life and cried. He cried so much, it worried Bin to no end. He was shaking so much. Since when was he bottling all these up? Bin felt helpless and his heart shattered. Like glass colliding with the cold ground and breaking into a thousand pieces.

Bin continued to whisper sweet comfort to his broken lover, hugging him close. Eunwoo was taller than Bin by a few centimeters and probably even more broad than him, but at the moment, he felt so small. He was curled up into his chest, soaking his shirt in tears.

After a while, his sobs died down to sniffles and Bin pressed kisses wherever he could. Eunwoo pulled away, wiping his tears with his hands hastily but Bin stopped him. He took out a box of tissues from the bedside drawer and gently wiped his face. Eunwoo sat quietly, looking at him.

Bin was holding himself back from tearing up. Eunwoo looked so broken, so sad. His beautiful eyes weren’t shining anymore. They were red and swollen with dark circles underneath them. His plump sweet lips weren’t smiling anymore. It was torn from his constant bites. He cleared his throat, just in case his voice cracked.

Eunwoo rested his head on Bin’s shoulder and let out a shuddering breath.

Bin brought his hand up to pet his head, “What’s the matter?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry for? Don’t be.”

“I don’t know, Binnie,” Eunwoo wrapped his arms around him and buried his face in the crook of his neck. Bin returned his embrace, “You can tell me about it. I will listen to you.”

“You will get angry.”

“I won’t. I promise.” Bin was creating a million scenarios in his head.

There was a small silence before Eunwoo spoke up again, “Do you think I’m doing well?”

Bin was confused, “Huh? Yes, you are. You have been working so hard. You have improved so much.” Bin pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Thank you…”

“I don’t think I did well today…”

Now, Bin was even more confused. Eunwoo did see the mirror today, right?

“Not at all, baby. You did amazing. You were so beautiful today. So handsome and stunning. And you danced even better. You were amazing,” Bin said with a smile. He shifted and made Eunwoo face him. He held his face tenderly, “Eunu, is this what this is about? Please talk to me. I want to know. I want to help. I love you so much, please let me in, love.” Bin’s expression was full of concern, out of love. Eunwoo felt bad but so loved. He was the luckiest man alive. He smiled a bit, “I love you too, Binnie.”

Bin smiled back. Eunwoo began to tell him about his thoughts. He held his heart on his sleeves and told him everything. His self doubts, his insecurities, the incident, the comments, how he felt, he poured everything out. And with each new sentence, Bin felt his heart breaking more and more. He was getting choked up hearing all the things his boyfriend was telling him.

“So you went to the practice room…? To do the choreo all over again?”

Eunwoo nodded weakly. “Oh, love,” Bin hugged him tight, hiding his tears in his arms but wiped them off before he pulled away. He looked at Eunwoo, face a few centimeters away from his. He looked into his eyes and spoke with utmost sincerity, “Nunu, listen to me, okay? Listen carefully,” Eunwoo nodded, “Cha Eunwoo, Lee Dongmin, whoever you may be, you are perfect. Do you know why? Because you always do your best. And you make mistakes but you never give up. You give your all in whatever you do and you are as talented as any of us in ASTRO. You are an angel, sent from the heavens to grace us humans. You are the sweetest, the kindest, the nicest, the most beautiful person I have ever met in my life. And I mean every word I said. You are handsome physically but you have an even prettier heart inside you. You have such a beautiful voice, so silky and comforting to hear. It’s like honey, my dearest,” Eunwoo smiled, the crinkle in his eyes returning, “And I will sue anyone who says you’re a bad dancer. Our synchronization is on fire and that’s because you are on level with each of us. Everyone is different, M hyung is more good with vocals and Rocky with dance but it doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough. That’s our specialty and Cha Eunwoo has his own too. Not only is he the Face Genius, he’s also the one who introduced ASTRO to many people. He’s the one who got numerous awards for his acting skills, who is dearly loved by our Aroha all over the world, who has been the best son to his parents, who has been the best hyung to Sanha and Minhyuk, who has been the best dongsaeng to Myungjun hyung and Jinwoo hyung, who has been the bestest friend to me, who has taken care of ASTRO. You are so talented, you can speak English and Japanese and you learn other languages as well. You get amazing grades at school and you are loved and appreciated. The new choreo is hard, okay? But you are doing amazing! You are totally killing the new concept and you have improved so much. Your vocals are so much better and so is your dancing. You are working so hard and I couldn’t be more proud of you. I’m so proud of you, Eunwoo.”

Bin tears up a bit as he held Eunwoo’s hands, “When I look at you everyday, I wonder if you’re real. I get to call the Cha Eunwoo mine. I get to call the Lee Dongmin mine. I feel so lucky to have you. I get to love you and be loved back in return. The ever amazing, talented, beautiful, pretty, handsome, perfect and wonderful Cha Eunwoo is my boyfriend.” Eunwoo was crying again but this time, Bin wasn’t worried or concerned because he can see the biggest smile on face.

“You have done well and you are doing well. I’m proud of you, Nunu.”

Eunwoo hugged him again and Bin hugged back, “You’re the best, Bin. I love you so much, I’m sorry for worrying you.” Bin patted his back, “It's alright. But, please promise me you’ll reach out to me next time anything happens. I can’t stand seeing you cry like that and I don’t want it to happen again. You’re my everything, Dongmin.”

Eunwoo rested his forehead against Bin’s and spoke, voice shaky, “I will. I promise. Thank you. Thank you for loving me. For being the best person to me. Thank you for everything, Bin. I love you so much and I’m so sorry, I love you. Thank you, Bin.”

“I love you too.” Bin leaned in and pressed his lips onto Eunwoo’s soft ones. Eunwoo kissed back happily. They exchanged kisses for a while, showering each other with much love.

To Eunwoo, Bin was not only his boyfriend, he was his home, his safe haven, his best friend, his moon when the world grew dark, his shoulder to lean on, his support to pull him up when he fell. He was the love of his life, maybe not his first but surely, his last. The man he will marry in the future, the man who was there with him through all his struggles, the man who never left his side, the man who made him feel he was good enough, the man whose eyes made him feel as if he was the most loved person in the universe. The man who held his heart, who protected his heart.

Eunwoo’s mind no longer held the comments he read before. Nor did he feel empty or unworthy. Bin filled his entire body with love.

“Now, I’m going to tell you how loved you are and how talented you are every single day. Have I been too stingy with my kisses and hugs? I should tell you I love you more,” Bin kissed every part of Eunwoo’s face, holding him close with a huge grin on his face. “I’m going to tell you how much I love you, Cha Dongmin.” Eunwoo chuckled, “Or Lee Eunwoo.”

“Moon Dongmin sounds better,” Bin smiled mischievously. Eunwoo chuckled and covered his face, “You’re hilarious, Binnie. But I love you.”

“I know. I love you too.” Bin sealed his words with a sweet kiss on his lips.

“Did you guys just propose to each other?”

The couple turned towards the door to see Myungjun looking at them incredulously. The rest of them were poking their heads from the door with goofy grins on their faces.

“Eunwoo is getting married!” Jinwoo shouted and ran away along with the maknae’s who were squealing and screaming with him. “That was so unromantic of you, Bin-ah!! I had such high expectations on you!!!” Myungjun gasped as he wiped fake tears and walked out to join the chaos in the living room.

Bin smiled shyly, looking at Eunwoo who was also blushing. Bin was getting a million butterflies in his stomach and Eunwoo’s heart was about to leap out of his chest.

“You will marry me, then?”

“Of course, I will.”

Bin smiled so wide, his cheeks hurt and Eunwoo’s smile blinded him as well. “But, I want a better proposal.”

Bin laughed, “Okay, I will prepare for it.”

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed the story! let me know your thoughts in the comments :))))  
> thank you to @thevonseal for this fest!!  
> have a great day/night <333


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